See What's Within Sylvia Lee Sylvia Lee
Dana I’m sleeping right now…. My bed is too comfortable for him to be talking to me... I wish he’d just go away… Leave me alone… Why do you have to keep hurting me? “I’m a part of you, idiot. Maybe if you stopped whining like a little bitch, you’d have a better time with me.” Ugh. As always, he’s right. Desmond might be a bastard, but everything he says is right, no matter how much people tell me to deny. Fuck’s sake, why does he always have to be right next to me? Even when I’m trying to have fun? Like this Sunday. When I went out on that picnic with Gretel and Hazel in Central Park, I was laughing, joking around like every teenage girl would. Looking on Instagram and laughing at girls doing dumb stuff. I was so goddamn happy….with all my well thought out jokes... And Desmond had to pop in and say, “You’re not funny. You’re so annoying and I seriously hope you know that.” Damn. It was hard, but I tried to hit back. “I am funny. Don’t you see all my friends laughing with me?” “Girl, are you fucking dumb? They’re just doing that to be nice because they have manners, unlike you. Your sense of humor is so stupid. Who in their right mind would laugh at dumb stuff like that?” “ " That’s not true! They’re perfectly happy with me around!” “Stop being stupid already, Dana. Are you deaf or something? You can clearly hear their fake laughter. Just look at them!” I blinked tearfully. In front of me, my two friends were laughing at something. With their backs turned to me. I didn’t hear them call out ‘Dana’, and I don’t think they did. Only the ringing sounds of pure, ignorant laughter fill my head. “Now do you believe me?! They don’t want you here! You’re just a waste of their time! And to add on, you’re an eyesore! They can’t even bear to look at you, and yet you still think that they want to laugh with you?! You’re delusional, girl. Believe me when I tell you that they don’t want you here.” Desmond’s rant ended, and for a moment, I couldn’t feel anything. I closed Instagram and stuffed my phone back in my coat pocket. Should I say goodbye to my friends? “Don’t. Don’t waste their time with your apology. Just leave. They won’t care.” Hazel turned around. Her light brown curls caught my attention. My soul re-entered my body. “Hey! You okay?” she called out to me. “Come over here!” “She’s just being nice. Do her a favor and just fucking leave.” “Come on…” Hazel’s voice became dragged out. She got up and walked towards me. “Look. You’re annoying her now. She’s wasting time because you’re so stupid. Look, she’s already got Gretel with her. You’re dead weight. She doesn’t need you when she’s got someone much better than you. You don’t deserve a good person like her, and she doesn’t deserve a fucking idiot like you.” “Uh-ummmmm…” My mouth cracked open weakly. Hazel stopped in her tracks and looked at me with sad eyes. The last thing I remember doing...is apologizing and going home. This memory is a week old, yet it still hurts. It really does, because the wounds are still fresh. I feel like I’m being bullied and I just want to hit back. Punch the guy until he falls down and bleeds out on the ground. But he’s not real. And all I’m doing right now is lying in my bed. “Stop being stupid. You know you can’t do anything about me. So don’t even think about it, alright? Besides, you need me. I’m all you’ve got right now.” “How the hell is that true?” I ask Desmond. “You’re just a bully. I don’t need you in my life.” “I’m the only thing that keeps you grounded. I’m the only one that tells you the truth when no one else wants to! Believe me, you’d be better off with me than without me!” “How the fuck do you, of all monsters, know that?! Are you in their minds too?!” “Of course. I’ve been with everyone under the sun. I tried my hardest to make their lives as miserable as possible, but they’re always strong enough to fight me off. I can’t do anything. Then, all of a sudden, I have nowhere else to go except to you. You’re too weak. You can’t get rid of me.” Sobbing, I get up out of bed. I want to call Gretel. “Hey. Don’t even bother,” Desmond whispers into my ear. “Do you think she needs you ruining her day? Nah, stay in bed. And don’t get up again. No one needs you spoiling their moods.” “I need to go to school, Desmond. Please, at least let me do that.” “I’ll make sure you don’t get up again. I can take care of you just fine.” Sigh. Desmond’s made that tempting threat before. You know, grab a whole bottle of pills and take a nap. Meh, I don’t really want to let him get to me today. I have too much work to do. My school attendance is complete shit, my grades are C’s and D’s, and I already have too much missed homework. I need to be better at school. “Stop worrying about school!” Desmond chimes. “Your teachers are all tired of you. Listen to me when I tell you that you’re better off at home. All of your peers have better things to do and better people to talk to than you and your problems. No one's gonna care. So don’t bother trying to bother them.” Sigh “I guess...you’re right. I’m tired anyway.” “That’s the spirit. It’s not like you’re gonna pay attention in class. Besides, you’re gonna die, so why take the long route and just go now?” Heh, okay. Now that’s a stretch. I’m gonna lay down, maybe fake being sick for a while. I don’t know. I don’t wanna do anything else. “DANA! Get your ass out of bed and get down here! You’ve got school!” Mom screams. I close my eyes, but it hurts. “Mom! I don’t feel well today! Can I just skip today?!” I shout back. “Who the fuck are you to demand shit in my fucking house?!” Mom screeches. I hear her footsteps storm up the steps. “Get out of bed, you lazy shit!” “See what I mean?” Desmond whispers. I squeeze my eyes, trying to shut everything out. “Mom...please. Seriously, I can’t do this. Just….give me a break, okay?” “STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH ME, WOMAN!” Mom screams while dragging me by the arm. “I’m already tired and I don’t need YOUR SHIT this early in the morning! What the fuck has happened to you?! You used to love school! You could get up early in the morning and you made my life so much easier! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Mom wraps her arm around the back of my neck and walks me down the hall, where she shoves me into the bathroom and slams the door behind me. My body now reeks of alcohol, a smell that no child should recognize. “She’s drinking again. And you know who’s fault that is? Yours and yours alone. She’s been drinking since you were born. You keep stressing her out. She was so much happier before you came along and destroyed her life. She had the ability to fend me off and now look at her! Succumbing to me like I’ve never seen before. I swear, you are the reason why she’s so miserable.” “I-I...hmmmm……..” *Sigh* Desmond… Desmond… Desmond… I can’t deny that. I really can’t. Honestly. I want to live, but at the same time, I feel like everyone’s better off without me. I’m just a waste of space. No one loves me. No one needs me. What am I doing here? Why am I still alive? I want to be happy. But obviously that’s not gonna happen, so the least I can do is...become numb. “Hey,” Desmond whispers calmly. “It’s okay. Dying is easy. Look around you. You have nothing to lose except your problems. And that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Yes. Yes it is. Just a few bottles of pills and I’m on the way… Eddie Okay, this is the first day of high school. I need to get my things ready. Alright, four marble notebooks, 20 pencils in my large pencil case, my binder, and my phone. What else, what else…? “Oh my God, that squirrel is so stupid!” “What?!” I rush to the window in front of me. There’s a squirrel munching on an acorn below a tree. Ugh, of course. Addison. Such an annoying bitch. I don’t understand why I fall for her crap over and over and over again. It doesn’t even mean anything! Sigh, forget it. Hopefully, I’ll pay enough attention in class and ignore Addison and the rest of her bullshit. Stuffing all my school supplies in my bag, I check my phone for the time. It’s- “Oh look! You just got a notification from school!” Addison giggles. “Huh! So I did,” I say. I open it up to see the content. “See now! Prom is on the way and you haven’t even gotten ready. You need an outfit ASAP!” “You’re right! What should I wear…….?” I stare wistfully at my closet. Should I wear the blue tuxedo that Mom bought for me or the black James Bond suit? I grab my backpack and sift through the clothes. Hmmmm….not this one, or that, or- “Eddie! You’re almost late for school!” OH-AAAAAAGGGGHHHH! I thought I was just gonna check the time! And then I got sidetracked by Addison and prom because I’m stupid like that. What time is it?! “Eddie! This is a great look for you!” Addison shouts in my ear. “Shut up! Okay, it’s 7:50 AM. If I run to school, I can still make it.” I nod my head eagerly. I run straight down the stairs and out the door. Looking straight ahead, I can see my school about a meter away. The usual crowd around the building is nonexistent, which makes my heart skip a beat. I take a deep breath as I take my fir- *Growl* “Hey. I can tell that you’re hungry. Look! A deli! To your right!” Addison turns my head to the right and I see a convenience store that doubles up as a deli. It’s selling…. “Turkey sandwiches! Oooohhhh…...You should get one. First, gotta check the wallet for any money. Score! Twenty bucks. Let’s go!” Addison yells. I rush over to the deli on Addison’s accord. There, we stare at the posters taped onto the windows. “Sweet!” Addison exclaims. “There’s a discount on the turkey sandwiches too! Oh, but this BLT....It looks so good and everyone is talking about how good it is. But turkey’s an amazing favorite. Ugh……what should we get?” *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* “Wait, what? What’s that sound?” Addison asks. “Is that...my phone?” I reach into my pocket. Oh! A notification from my friend Sammy. And it’s about……. AAAAHHH! WHY?! I COMPLETELY FORGOT THAT I’M LATE FOR SCHOOL. I run like the Flash to school. “Aw, you just squashed a whole anthill under your foot!” Addison whines. “Yeah, yeah. Poor bastards,” I groan. “Ugh, why the fuck do I even still listen to you?” “I don’t know. But you should, right?” “Yeah,” I sigh. “I guess.” Why am I so stupid? I mean, I’m not stupid. I get good grades without cheating and I participate in class a lot. But why does the reason that I’m good at school have to be that I need to distract myself from Addison? I don’t understand and I’m honestly TIRED of it. In no time at all, I reach the school. After a major reprimand from the principal, who roams the halls everyday, I reach my second period class. My walk of shame into the classroom is not amusing. AT. ALL. And I wanna die. “Hee hee hee, little bowl of paper flowers. So cute!” Addison squeals. Wait, really? I spy with my little eye…...oh! A little bowl with paper flowers of varying colors! Heh, that’s actually pretty cute. Wonder why the Mr.Ng put that- “EDDIE! What are you doing?!” Mr.Ng yells. “Huh?! Oh, uh….sorry. I kinda dazed off a bit,” I whimper, scratching my head with embarrassment. “Well, refocus yourself! We have a lot to do today!” Mr.Ng goes back to teaching….whatever the hell he’s teaching. Shit, why can’t I remember what this class was? I picked this class as an elective! I’m honestly so dumb. *Thunk* “Eep! What’s that sound?” Addison squeals. I groan furiously. I look out the window and see a spot of blood. Okay. …. Wait, WHAT?! I turn to the window so hard, the tip of my nose hits the pane. After an “OOF” from Addison and rubbing my nose a bit, I blink rapidly until I can see clearly again. Yup, that is indeed a blood spot in front of my eyes. What the-what even happened here? “Eddie! Can you answer the question?!” Aaaagggghhhh…..Mr.Ng is on my tail. Ouch. "Dude,” Addison squeaks. “You gotta tell him about this.” “Um. Mr.Ng!” I yelp. “Something’s happened here!” “What?!” Mr.Ng booms. “What is it?” He stomps over to my seat at warp speed. I point to the window, where the spot is. He pushes my hand away and inspects the spot himself. "It’s probably nothing, Eddie….” Addison whispers. “Yeah! It-it’s probably nothing!” I repeat. “Then so be it,” Mr.Ng replies promptly. “Now, are you going to answer the question?” Ugh, I really can’t do this. I’m just too stupid. “What’s even worse is that no one understands how you feel. I’m the only one who knows what you’re going through,” Addison sneers. “Yeah….’cause you’re the one that put me in this situation in the first place.” Sayaka I’m sitting in math class. Tap tap tap, goes my pencil on my notebook. I stare at the blank page in front of me. Mrs.Wilson told the class to take notes because the topic is calculus and the chances of us remembering anything after today are slim. I haven’t written anything down because……..I don’t know. I’m looking at the board full of limits and trigonometric stuff that I’ve taught myself several years ago. I’ve got this. I know I’m gonna pass this test just like I did the last one. “You know,” Scott whispers. “Mrs.Wilson is gonna start walking around the class to inspect notebooks. You should really start writing. She’s called the parents of kids that come to class late. Do you wanna become a part of that kind of statistic?” Scott’s right. I immediately start scribbling notes into my notebook until my hand hurts. I know that Mrs.Wilson likes me and she wouldn’t call my parents just because I wasn’t taking notes, but I really can’t risk it. “Sayaka. Can you answer my question?” What? Who’s…...that? Who’s behind me? “Sayaka. Can you hear me?” It sounds like Mrs.Wilson, except it's about a half-step deeper. Is that...Scott? Yeah, it is. I just looked behind me and there was no one there because I’m in the back of the classroom. Ugh, goddamnit Scott. You and your stupid voices…..why do you always have to do them when I’m focusing in class? Why do you do them at all? It’s so annoying and it diverts my attention in so many ways. “Sayaka. Why’d you put your pencil down? Pick it back up, or I can give you a new one…” Nope. Scott, shut the fu-oh. There’s a hand in front of me holding a black pen. Where did this hand come from? It’s as white as a piece of paper. Basically if Slenderman had hands. I reach out to it. Wait, I can’t grab it. Ugh, Scott’s messing with me again. “Sayaka….you know I love you…” “Scott. For God’s sake. Keep your mouth shut for five seconds. Stop cooing in my ear and let me focus. You told me to take notes. I’m doing what you told me to do.” ……... “Erm….Sayaka? Is there something you want to share with the class?” What? Why is Mrs.Wilson asking me-oh crap. I just said that out loud, didn’t I? Dammit, this is embarrassing. Fucking Scott. I hate everything about you. “But I love you…” Scott whispers. God. SHUT. UP. I didn’t say that out loud. Yeah, I didn’t because I’m not making the same mistake I made just seconds ago. “Yeah, but you look weird,” Scott sneers. “I mean, you look like you’re mumbling stuff to yourself.” Oh snap! Do I?! I mean, I’m staring directly into space, but I think my mouth is moving on its own! Ack! Okay then, I guess I’ll just put my head down and work quietly. …. …. *Ding* *Ding* *Ding* Ah! End of school bell. That’s not English, but I’m glad I didn’t say it out loud. Unless SCOTT wants to mess around again, I’m pretty sure I’m safe for now. “Wheeeeee….I’m falling…..wheeeeeee...” Scott whispers “Argh. Shut up, man. I don’t need you right now,” I whisper back. “Awwww...so when do you need me?” “You know what my answer is? NEVER. Yeah, that’s a good answer.” “Heh, bitch please. Aren’t I fun to be around?” “Fuck. No. No way in hell are you fun to have. I better get the hell away from me or-or else…” “What? Whatcha gonna do about me, huh?” Sigh. I shake my head sadly. As much as I hate Scott, I have to admit. There really is nothing I can do to get rid of him. Sure, I can try to ignore him, but every time I do, he just gets louder and louder until I can’t do anything BUT listen to him. Ugh, I’m so over this. "Hey! Sayaka!” Someone’s yelling from behind me. Is this Scott again? No, I’ve heard this voice before. But, how can I be so sure? I don’t dare turn around; I’m tired of the embarrassment. “What?” I whisper. “Who is it?” “It’s Naomi! We’ve been friends for, like, the past eight years!” Naomi! “Hey! How’s it, er, hanging?” I ask awkwardly. “That sounds like a threat or an ideation,” Scott whispers in my ears. “Are you sure you wanna go through with that statement? I mean, you don’t hang out with her that much anymore. You probably don’t know her situation at the moment.” “Um, yeah,” I say uneasily. “Hi.” “Are-Are you okay?” Naomi asks, putting her hand on my shoulder. “You look a little pale.” “Oh no. I think she knows. She knows everything,” Scott cries. What the actual fuck is Scott talking about?! This is one of those moments when I absolutely cannot stand Scott. I need to lie down and rest my head before I lose my sanity. “Erm, I gotta go. I’m tired and uh-I just need to go,” I giggle nervously. “Awww…..you can sleepover at my house, you know,” Naomi winks at me. “R-Really?” I whimper pitifully. “It’s a trap. IT’S A TRAP!” Scott screams intensely. “Don’t go there. Don’t go. You don’t know what’s gonna happen to you there. Go home, go home…” Okay, I really can’t deal with this. I can’t talk anymore. I can’t think because of stupid SCOTT depleting my brain capacity. I have to go. Otherwise, Naomi’s gonna get stressed, and that’s the last thing I need. “Yeah. I have to go now. See ya tomorrow!” I shout. Not risking a possible breakdown in public because of her potential response, I run away, waving back at her just so she knows that I care. And so Scott can get off my ass. “You know she can see through you, right?” Scott asks. “And you know that you’re a pain in my ass, right?” I ask. “Yeah, yeah, I know that,” Scott sighs. I roll my eyes. Honestly, I’d rather be at school or at a friend’s house and talking to Naomi. Because as long as I’m being distracted from Scott, I’m pretty open and enthusiastic. However, because Scott is a weirdo and I’m afraid that I’m gonna say the wrong thing at the wrong time and everyone’s gonna think I’m crazy, I’m choosing to isolate myself. I don’t need people making me feel more self-conscious than I already am. Andrew About five minutes ago, I thought I was crazy. Why would I call myself that? Well, just five minutes ago, Candace told me that Dad was replaced by a clone. That sounds crazy, right? I mean, it’s impossible. Clones walking around? That sounds like something out of a science fiction horror movie. Not that I’ve seen any, of course. Okay. This is what happened: I woke up in a hospital gurney. Tubes and needles in my arms. I couldn’t move my body. At that time, I didn’t know what the hell was going on. ‘What am I doing here?’ was a recurring question in my brain that I just couldn’t find an answer to. Until my nurse came into my hospital room with life-changing news: “Are you feeling alright?” She asked. “Yeah. What happened?” I responded. “I guess I should give it to you straight,” she sighed. “You were hit by a car.” “WHAT?!” I screamed. “Shhhh….calm down. You’ll be alright. Just calm down. Luckily there were no serious injuries but you do need to rest for a while.” “What do you mean ‘calm down’ ?! You just told me I was hit by a car and you want me to brush it off?! Who hit me?” “The police are still investigating. Just take a breath and-” Someone knocked on the door. The nurse rushed out without another word and left me to my shock and despair. Then, five minutes later, my sister Kaylee walked in and said: “Hey. You good?” “NO!” I shouted. “Okay, okay. So, turns out, Dad got drunk and as he pulled into the driveway, he accidentally hit you on the way to the garage-” I blink. I’m back in my bed at home. Flashback’s over, and I’m still shocked by its contents. Dad got drunk, and hit me with his car. First of all, Dad’s not the type of person to drink. He’s told us that throughout his life, he’s avoided alcohol because he was afraid of its effects. Not only that, but he tried way too hard to achieve his driver’s license. I’m talking about how he literally retook that driver’s test six times. SIX. TIMES. All because he couldn’t do a U-turn the first five times. That’s insane, but of course, he wasn’t going to take anything if it wasn’t perfect. Obviously, he had a lot to lose. And also obviously, he’s my dad. He made sure everything I and Kaylee did was perfect. Like, to the frame! He’s stressed how dangerous alcohol and drugs were. He’s constantly checking in on our grades. He’s always involved in our lives and yet...he somehow slipped away to drink and drive. Why?! “Because he’s not your dad,” Candace says. “He’s not?” I ask back. “Yeah. You know your dad to be law-abiding, non-alcoholic, and an overall good citizen. But this man. The one that hit you while driving intoxicated….he’s not your dad. He may look like it, but deep down inside, he’s not your father.” “I-I guess…” “Why would you doubt me? See, you know what your father’s like, and the man who hurt you is the complete opposite! What’s there to doubt? He’s not your father, plain and simple.” *Knock, knock, knock* “Andrew? Are you okay in there?” Mom? What the-I thought she was at work! What’s she doing back at home? “Yeah! I’m fine!” I shout back. “Come out for breakfast!” What?! What time is it? Oh, it’s 7:30 AM and it’s Sunday. Duh. I get out of bed and walk downstairs...with cautious feet. I’m practically tiptoeing downstairs because I don’t want the imposter to hear me. “Andrew!” Mom yells, suddenly appearing in front of me. “What….are you doing?” “What? Um...nothing,” I reply meekly. “Come on! You don’t want your eggs and bacon to get cold, do you!” Honestly, I could care less. Mom drags me by the arm down the steps and sits me down on the dinner table. There, I see Kaylee, Mom (of course) with her hands on her hips, and a man. Sitting right next to me. He has blond hair, chiseled jawline, dark-rimmed glasses, pale skin…. Looking on his phone for the latest news. My father. Is he, though? He looks up, he sees me staring. He smiles a doll-like smile, and says: “Hey, Andy.” I blink. Oh God. “That’s not my name,” I reply sternly. “Hmmm? I-I know,” he says with a confused look on his face. I stare at him for another moment, before finally managing to tear my gaze away from his face. Just when I think I can calm down- “Dear Lord, Andrew. This man that almost killed you. He doesn't even know what your name is,” Candace sneers. “You know, Andy’s just a nickname that my dad gave me. You don’t need to exaggerate everything!” I clap back. “Why would he call you by the nickname after a traumatizing event?! Does he not remember?! Or perhaps….this is another imposter!” I roll my eyes. I swear to God, Candace sounded reasonable when we were in our room but now….. Ouch, my stomach’s acting up. Is it because of how stressed out I am when talking to Candace? “Mom, I don’t feel well. Can I go back to sleep?” I ask. “Oh?” The man replies. “I can give you some Tylenol. That’ll make you feel better.” What? My dad would never give me pills for anything. He hates them. “That’s it. You need to strike now!” Candace announces. “This isn’t your father. Nowhere near!” “WHAT?! Candace, NO!” I can feel my body get up swiftly, my knees hitting the table. But despite the pain, I mouth off to this….MAN. “NO! I’m-I’m fucking FINE! I don’t need your shit!” my mouth screams. I don’t even wait for a response. I run upstairs into my room and slam the door. I collapse on my bed and as quickly as it accumulated, my rage subsides. But I’m still pissed nonetheless. “Candace. What. The actual. FUCK was that?!” "What?! You weren’t gonna confront him! Someone had to do it!” “You don’t know that he’s an imposter yet! And-” “DON’T YOU DOUBT ME NOW! Do you have proof that he’s not an imposter?!” “So what if I do?! It’s absurd to even think about it!” Candace shuts up. Finally. Now I can confront the imposter civilly. Jessica I pace around my room. I’m trying to walk normally. That doesn’t sound difficult, right? But it is. For me, at least. I don’t understand why I feel this way. My right leg….doesn’t feel like it belongs to me. I feel like I’m falling every time I walk. However, that feeling is just one of the reasons why I hate my right leg. It’s fat and ugly and covered with cellulite on all sides. That’s what Bianca says, at least. “You don’t need it. It’s the truth,” she chortles. “Look, I still wanna walk-” “The doctor can give you crutches! You have nothing to worry about!” I roll my eyes. “No doctor would approve of the amputation of a healthy limb.” Bianca goes silent, but her words linger in my head. She’s not completely wrong. I mean, I’ve always liked my left leg more than my right one. The left one is slimmer and stronger, and I feel like I can conquer anything. Meanwhile, the right one was fatter, and every time I press my right foot down onto the ground, I hobble. One time, I even fell down and people stared at me going “Are you alright?” with their eyebrows raised. That was embarrassing. And I’m pretty sure more embarrassing incidents await me in the future. “Let’s prevent that then!” Bianca shouts. “Cut off that leg and you’ll feel normal again!” I stare at my right leg. If people only saw this leg and no other part of my body, they would think that I’m obese and lazy, which is completely wrong. I exercise every single day just to lose that dead weight, but it somehow always trips me up and I lose all my confidence. It would make sense for me to get rid of it as quickly as possible. “That’s the spirit! How about we go to the doctor to discuss this issue?” Bianca giggles. “Ummm….give me a minute.” I walk over to my closet and pick out a hoodie with a pair of sweatpants. Normally I’d get jeans, but today I wanna try something new. I start by putting my left leg into my pants. Holding onto my closet door with my left hand, I bend my right leg until my foot touches my butt. Then, with my right hand, I pull the sweatpants up and roll up the loose right pant leg. Looking into the closet mirror, I look like an amputee. I look like I got my right leg chopped off. “See? That looks WAY better than before!” Agreed. Without my right leg, the reflection in the mirror that’s staring back at me...looks normal. Like my body was meant to look like this. “Without that pesky leg, you’ll conquer a lot more in life!” Yes. That is true. This damn right leg was keeping me back all these years. Time to go to the doctor. Wobbling downstairs with my left hand propped against the wall or a railing, I grab my car keys and put on my left shoe. It’s the middle of summer, so no need for a coat, but that also means that my cane is gonna be covered in sweat. Ugh, this is gonna piss me off. “Doesn’t matter. It’s all for the greater good. You do remember what the greater good is, right?” "Yes, yes, of course I remember,” I sigh. “You never fail to remind me.” “But you understand why I keep telling you, right?” “I do, alright? I do.” Man, Bianca’s more enthusiastic about this than I am. Wonder what that says about me. Not gonna lie, I’m not looking forward to this. And no, I’m not afraid of doctors. It’s just that...whenever I go to any doctor’s office, I have anxiety like I’ve never had before and I stress out over the possibility that the doctor will say no to the procedure. It’s already happened to me three times before, and I’m not looking forward to the fourth. “Stop worrying! This is like plastic surgery! People get surgery to look better. This is technically the same thing!” “I-I guess….” With an uneasy hand, I step out of my house and into my car, which is parked in my driveway. The walk should take less than a minute, but somehow a lifetime passes by before I sit down at the wheel and drive off to the doctor’s office. While driving, Bianca’s energy flows through my body. My right leg starts throbbing, as if it’s begging me not to get rid of it. “Once it’s gone,” Bianca says. “You won’t have anything else to worry about. I promise.” “I know, I know. You don’t have to keep repeating it.” “I have to, you know? I feel like you don’t fully understand the point of all this.” I sigh and roll my eyes. What part of this operation do I not get? Get my leg cut off, start walking around with my crutches in hand…..what? Is there something missing here? You know what? It actually doesn’t matter considering that I’m already at the doctor’s office and I gotta get out of my car. Clutching my cane, I slowly open the door and step onto my left foot. Once I slam the door behind me, I feel my whole world stop. For a moment, I close my eyes and visualize what the inside of the doctor’s office looks like: A giant, empty waiting room… I walk up to the receptionist and sign myself in….. Then, the doctor comes out… And I tell him… “JESS! WAKE UP!” Huh?! Bianca! Why are you screaming at me?! Oh, I fell asleep at the steering wheel. How did that happen? I was so sure that I, at the very least, left my car. Meh, I climb out again with my cane and walk to the steps of the office, carefully watching where I put my foot. As I enter the waiting room, I see the receptionist on my left and the chairs on my right. I sign myself in on a piece of paper at the desk and hobble my way over to the chairs and sit down in one of them. Pulling out my phone, I mentally prepare myself for what’s gonna happen inside that office. “Don’t stress about it too much,” Bianca says. “As long as you have your goal in mind, nothing can stand in your way.”
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